I have a wedding question regarding the wedding party?

by DIY wedding planner on December 12, 2011

I’m getting married and my fiance and I are paying for half of the wedding, My folks are helping out too. I’m unsure about what to do with my bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girl and ring bear situation. I can’t afford to buy all the dresses for the bridesmaids, flower girl, etc. My fiance and I can’t afford to buy tuxedos for all the men. I want my bridesmaids to all wear a cute dress. I will chose something that they will love wearing that’s not over priced at all. The same would go for the flower girl as well. So how do I tell my bridesmaids that I just can’t afford to buy their dresses? The same would apply to the men as well.

I also thinking that my bridesmaids might want to get their hair done for the wedding. I want my hairdresser to do my hair. Maybe, he could do the girls hair as well. That also cost money too. I can’t afford to pay for them all getting their hair done. So what shall I do?

I need ideas and help! My fiance and I are having a DIY Wedding. It’s going to be beautiful! I just know it will. So I’m trying to do cost effect ideas for the wedding. If were rich, I could afford to help out the wedding party but my fiance and I can’t afford too. Even with our parents helping us out. We love them all dearly. I just don’t know what to do. So I really want some opinions. Thank you so much! :)

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Mopar Muscle Gal December 12, 2011 at 1:28 pm

you dont buy the bridesmaids or flower girl their dresses
your groom doesnt pay for any other tux but his own


Happy Gramps December 12, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Unless I am mistaken, normally the bridesmaids buy their own dresses; and the men will usually rent a tux from a tux rental shop; same thing for the ladies hair – they pay for that, not the bride to be


Pax December 12, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Traditionally it is the responsibility of the bridesmaids and groomsmen to purchase (dress) and/or rent (tux’s) themselves. When asked if they want to stand up for you they also accept the offer with the understanding that they are responsible for their clothing. As far as the hair goes, you can suggest the style that you would like them to wear and again, it is up to them if they want it done professionally or if they want to do it themselves!


Amanda December 12, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Maybe you should shop on ebay or look around on the internet for the items because you can find some really cheap but nice looking clothes and also in bulk which makes them a little cheaper.
With the bridesmaids wanting to get their hair done, maybe they should do each others hair or go with something simple like curl their hair and clip the sides back.
Also why don’t you get the guests to pay for the meal instead of the buying you presents.
If you still cant afford dresses, tux ect maybe you should think about not having bridesmaids and only have a best man and maid of honour.
If you want to keep the bridesmaids, maybe you should just postpone the wedding for another year until you and your fiancee get some more money together.
Hope that helps and good luck with everything


Sonya December 12, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Generally the dresses for the bridesmaids and suits for the groomsmen are not paid by the bride and groom. However it is correct etiquet to buy each one of them a gift for attending you on the day.


basketcase88 December 12, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Generally, when you ask someone to be in your wedding, they’re responsible for paying for their clothing for that day. As far as asking them to get their hair done, I would offer it, but explain that you can’t pay for it. I would not require it, but maybe say something like “I’m getting my hair done at X time, if any of you would like to come with me, great. You don’t have to do it, but if you want to, let me know and I’ll schedule appointments for all of us, but everyone will be responsible for paying their own way.”

If you simply communicate what you expect from your bridal party, and are very clear in what they will be spending money on for your wedding day, you should be fine. I’ve been in several weddings, and have yet to have a bride buy my dress, shoes, etc for me. Just communicate clearly from the outset, so there are no misunderstandings.

Good luck!


Bethii December 12, 2011 at 4:18 pm

just tell them straight out.. it is so much easier then word play games


Kelly December 12, 2011 at 4:41 pm

I believe from your previous questions or answeres I’ve seen from you that you’re from North American, in North America its customary that each member of the bridal party pays for their own attire and for children their parents are responsible.

For their hair or nails, if you are making it mandatory they get them done professionally, then YOU are expected to pay for it. Otherwise, just let the choice be theirs for how they want their hair done, most people will be able to pick out a hairstyle that will compliment their dress, body style and obviously their hair. Some may want to have their hair professionally done, others may want to do their own.

As far as choosing something they will love, depending on how many you have that might be impossible, some people like strapless others hate it not all of your bridesmaids will have she same tastes and they may have very different body styles, its really hard to find a dress that will compliment everyones body style, and something they all like. If you are open to not having everyone have a matching dress, its becoming popular to give your bridesmaids a color and length you want then have them pick out their own dress, from there you know they are wearing a dress they are compfortable in and one they can afford. I’m old fashioned though and I want them to match.

For the tuxedo’s usually renting is the best option. Have your fiance and his groomsmen go to a place like mens wearhouse and look at suits to rent. Usually, if you have so many suits the groom gets his rental free.

I think $100+ for a flower girls dress is ridiculous (that’s about what they average at bridal shops and even david’s bridal) here are some links of some affordable flower girl dresses:


Most of those also have boys tuxedo’s to purchase but renting them may be more cost effective. Little girls like to play dress up and wont mind wearing the dress again, little boys not so much.


Perse December 12, 2011 at 5:32 pm

I would:

A: Allow the wedding party to select their own dresses, this way you can reasonably expect them to pay the expense.


B: Only have the number in the wedding party you can afford.

As far as the hair, leave that to them. They can choose to pay for it themselves or do their own hair.


morphia December 12, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Generally, hair and make up etc would be paid for by the bridesmaids themselves. In the UK the wedding party usually buy the dresses and pay for Tuxedo hire, but these days it’s become common for the Bridesmaids to pay a %. In the USA, if seems to be the responsibility of the bridesmaids etc to pay for their own clothing.

Of course 1 option might have been to limit the number of bridesmaids / flower girls etc you had.

You don’t say when you are getting married, but if it’s after christmas, look in the sales for evening / party / dresses that will be reduced in price. Check out sites such as Ebay etc for cheap options, or simply give the bridesmaids the colour scheme and type of dress and ask them to choose something the like.


Messykatt December 12, 2011 at 6:13 pm

In the US, the bridesmaids and groomsmen pay for their own attire, the parents of the flower girl pay for her dress. If you want their hair or nails done, this is something you do pay for yourself, since lots of us prefer doing our own.

Your attendants probably expect this and took it into account when they said yes. It’s very, very rare that the bride and groom pay for this (and that’s when they are rich!).

Also, if you do decide to use the hairdresser, this wouldn’t count as their bridesmaid gift, so just a friendly reminder for budgeting purposes. You don’t have to get them something expensive, but it does need to be in appreciation for what they’ve done.


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