Invitation wording – Money instead of Gifts.?

by DIY wedding planner on December 9, 2011

Hi girls and guys,

Does anyone know a good and polite wording to be put on a wedding invitation to request money instead of gifts?

I have the following sample, but sounded lame:
“Your presence at our wedding is present enough, so don’t worry about what to buy as we have plenty of stuff! However, if you were thinking of giving a gift to help us on our way, a gift of money towards our honeymoon would really make our day.”

Anyone got other ideas?

Thanks.

{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Soon to be Mrs.Smith December 9, 2011 at 7:57 am

It is rude and tacky to mention money or gifts on your wedding invitation. If you don’t want gifts don’t register and have your close family spread the word

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fizzy stuff December 9, 2011 at 8:20 am

I dont care how “cute” the poem is, there is no nice or polite way to request money. People will give you money if they feel so inclined. For you to request it is presumptuous and rude!

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jrtazzzz December 9, 2011 at 9:06 am

I think that word of mouth would be more appropriate.

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Renee December 9, 2011 at 9:51 am

In our culture, it is normal to have a gift list so people know exactly what you need. It is the modern way to request money instead of gifts. That happens if the couple has been living together for some time and already has stuff. I like the wording that you suggested. I think it best to put that on a separate slip within the invitation, rather than on the invitation itself. That way, people who like to keep invitations as memorabilia do not have to see your money request every time they read the invitation.

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MRS*K*2B! December 9, 2011 at 10:22 am

i asked this question and got oficially shot down! i wouldnt put it on the invite as that is quite rude buti thought about puttin a small card in (like a registry) well… 90% of people called me rude, tacky, all the names under the sun basically, i would suggest spreading it by word of mouth, we have done this and our friends are ahppy to help, when you dont register people will automatically give money so dont worry about it

and congrats

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Brenda W December 9, 2011 at 10:52 am

I think it is rude to mention gifts. The point of the wedding is not for gifts. But everyone knows you get gifts at a wedding.

Make a website on the knot or any other website (they are free!). Put information about your ceremony, reception, honeymoon & registry. Send a little card with the website in the invite for guests to get more information.
That way they will read what you have put and its an indirect way of telling them what you want.

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CamM December 9, 2011 at 11:30 am

Rude and tacky.

People like to think that they have given you something you will treasure and remember – not part of something along with everyone else. We look at things we have in our house and remember who gave them to us. That can’t happen with money. Tacky.

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Spankyb December 9, 2011 at 11:52 am

Ignore the old fuddy-duddys who say it’s not okay to ask for cash. It’s very much accepted these days so go with it.

I’m doing it on my invitation, but not going into too much detail and not mentioning either money or cash as that can seem a bit pushy.

“Your presence is gift enough, however, there will be a wishing well on the day should you wish to make a contribution towards their honeymoon.”

I’m going to have a poem next to my wishing well on the day though, but I’ve written it myself (therefore tailored to my situation):

Thank you for joining us on our special day,
As you know we live quite far away,
Our cases are too small for an actual gift,
But our bank balance does rather need a lift,
So we may treat ourselves on our honeymoon,
For which we depart incredibly soon!
Thanks in advance for your generosity,
And big kisses and hugs from Pac and Bee!

We’re also having a UK wedding and I’ve written another poem for that one too. Feel free to borrow and amend to suit your circumstances.

Welcome to our belated wedding reception
We hope you really won’t take exception
When we tell you that we have all we need
But looking at our account we have to concede
That donations would be very happily received
So a fabulous honeymoon might be achieved
Thanks in advance for your generosity,
And big kisses and hugs from Pac and Bee!

If you do have some old-school relations who are totally anti-cash, then you could always have a small gift registry to appease them.

Hope this helps!

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iloveweddings December 9, 2011 at 12:24 pm

There is no cute, and certainly no appropriate way to ask for money. It is very rude.

Simply do NOT register anywhere. People will use the brains in their head and, if you are not registered anywhere, will give you money.

But to come out and ask for it is very rude.

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kill_yr_television December 9, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Your invitation should say “I want you near me on this very important day because I care about you.” When you add “And it would be swell if you’d bring us some loot” then the “I care about you” part sounds like part of the sales pitch instead of like sincere feelings. Don’t do this.

Send the traditional invitation and in the lower right, just beneath the letters RSVP, include a phone number. Get your family and friends to handle most of the calls. When people call they will ask about how to dress, what sort of party to expect, and what sort of gift the couple would appreciate. You and your helpers should be prepared with an answer that gives people several options, like “They both listen to Classic Country, they are registered at Bloomingdale’s, and they have a honeymoon piggy bank.”

This will also save you the bother and expense of those insulting little response cards and make it easier to straighten out any misunderstandings about who is and who is not invited.

Congrats and best wishes.

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Garnet Glitter December 9, 2011 at 2:07 pm

*Sigh* This question is asked soooo many times it makes one wonder sometimes…..

A wedding gift, altho traditional, is NOT a required thing…up to the invited guest if they bring a gift or not….also, since it is a gift and a ticket of admission, it’s up to the gift giver what they give.

Now, to ask for cash not only assumes that the guest will bring a gift, thus putting them on the spot for one, it takes the choice of what to give away from them and turns the request into a demand for money, no matter how cleverly or sweetly put.

If you invite someone to your birthday party, do you tell them….’don’t forget my gift, and make it money”
????????

Why would a wedding make the request any different.

besides, if you do NOT register anywhere, most folks will ask a family member what you want/need, giving them an opening to say ” I hear from a reliable source they are hoping for cash gifts.”

Good luck.

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lalala December 9, 2011 at 3:03 pm

No, you never write anything about gifts on/with the invitation. It is always rude (“cute” poem or not) as your guests are not required to get you a gift in the first place.

It is also not polite to ask guests to pay for your vacation.

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Bd December 9, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Im Getting Married In October we are both in our 30′s and have everything we need. So as a little card that was mailed with our invitation and RSVP post card ( cheaper for the return stamp, which I put on all the RSVP) It reads like this….
If you were thinking of giving a gift to help us on our way.
A gift of cash toward our future, would really make our day.

Hope this helps

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Renee December 9, 2011 at 3:38 pm

There should be no mention of gifts in your wedding invitations. Not a separate card and most defiantly not written on the invite. If you prefer cash in lieu of gifts, just have your family/friends spread the word. Or you can create a free wedding website on theknot.com

I’m 30 and my fiancé is 34 so we have everything we need also. We registered for a few things that can be upgraded around the house. I personally don’t see a problem with wanting cash or gift cards. I do have a problem any mention of gifts in a wedding invitation.

Just don’t register and have your close family/friends spread the word. Just be warned that some people don’t like to give cash, so they will buy what they “think” you want. So be prepared to receive a million picture frames, monogrammed towels, and wedding albums.

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McNair December 9, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Its rude to ask people for any gift at all… much less money. If you don’t register anywhere, you might get money, but more likely, you will get a bunch of things you don’t want. There are websites that allow you to register for items for your honeymoon, i.e. a sunset cruise, a jeep tour, etc. Check those out.

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cem08 December 9, 2011 at 4:12 pm

DO NOT put any information regarding gifts/money on your invitations, it is tacky. And there is no way to be polite about asking for this. You get what you get, and you should be happy about it, and leave it at that.

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Just Me :) December 9, 2011 at 4:52 pm

We let everyone know in our invitations that we would have a “money tree” at the reception and left it at that. People today understand what that means, though some will still bring a gift instead.

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Working Hard and Loving Life December 9, 2011 at 5:06 pm

People KNOW they ALWAYS have the option of giving cash instead of a physical gift.

You never, never, never, never, never, never put anything on an invitation about money or gift registries. That is one of the worst etiquette faux pas you can commit.

Simply do not register anywhere. If you’re going to say no gifts, mean no gifts period – not we’d prefer the money instead. When people ask your family/wedding party where you’re registered they will simply answer bride & groom have chosen not to register or they are requesting no gifts.

Another, far more acceptable and common alternative is to sign up for a honeymoon registry. Then when guests ask your family and wedding party where you’re registered they can say at xyz site.

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