MIL/FIL tasks for the wedding?

by DIY wedding planner on April 30, 2012

Our wedding is coming up in August and my fiance’s mother told us to let her know what her and her husband could do for the wedding. My fiance told her we needed money but she didn’t seem to like that idea. We were planning on buying the cake, flowers, or reception food with the money that they provided (since they WANT to help out) so should we just tell them to go buy one of those items? I would of course order the cake/flowers beforehand so I had what I wanted. What do you guys think? Or should we suggest a smaller task like making the centerpieces, filling out invitations, etc.? (it’s a DIY wedding for the most part).
My parents are paying for most of the wedding themselves and I bought my own wedding dress and paid for the alterations. I don’t EXPECT my fiance’s parents to do anything since it isn’t traditional but his mother seems eager to help in some way.

When Adam told her we needed money she replied “Adam!” which is her way of saying “No, something else”. I know the type of lady she is and she would just prefer to buy the cake instead of going us the money to buy it. Even if that means me and her going to to the wedding shop and me picking out the cake to the tee and then her giving the money to the baker. That’s why I’m unsure if I should do it that way or just give her a few tasks like addressing envelopes, making the centerpieces, etc. She’s already throwing us a wedding shower.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

M April 30, 2012 at 5:46 am

Whatever you ask them to do, make sure you ensure it’s what YOU want…


barthebear April 30, 2012 at 6:21 am

Usually the groom’s parents are responsible for the rehearsal dinner . You write that ‘ she didnt seem to like the idea’ referring to money. So I am confused as to why you think they would buy cake flowers etc. Did she tell you that they would buy something for you? If not, dont presume she will. I am not sure what was said. An etiquette book lists grooms parents jobs but of course traditions have gone by the wayside in this day so I would just let it go. If you want something done right ( your way), do it yourself is the old saying so I do not think you have to give them a job unless you truly want to. Best wishes


jct_pp April 30, 2012 at 6:32 am

are you sure shes not offering practical help as opposed to financial help? as in, rather than interpreting it as her wanting to pay for the cake rather than giving you the cash…maybe she means help with invites etc

why dont you ask what she wants to help with, easier that way!


Perse April 30, 2012 at 7:23 am

It seems they aren’t comfortable with a financial contribution, but they do want to help, so find another way they can have a part. That could be helping you pick out the cake, tracking down addresses and RSVPs, etc;


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