Mother invites, DIY Wedding?

by DIY wedding planner on April 12, 2012

For starters, my mom and I don’t get along, and usually don’t talk more than 4-5 times a year. It’s not on my part for lack of trying. She will come up with completely random things and then not talk to me or any of my siblings for months because she’s upset. She feels we were the worst kids ever, and has no problem telling us she doesn’t love us. So on best of days, our relationship is tense. I am currently planning my wedding to the most fabulous man ever, and I’m very up in the air about inviting her. In all honesty, I don’t want her there. I also realize I will feel guilty at some point for not inviting her. The most complicating factor is my dad. My mom is a control freak, and as much as I wish my dad would leave her I know he won’t. He and I have a great relationship when she allows him to talk to me. It has always been my dream for my dad to walk me down the aisle and give me away at my wedding, but I realize that there’s only a slim chance of that. It’s very doubtful if she would let him come if she didn’t, nevermind if she wasn’t invited. So on one hand, if I don’t invite her, he won’t be there. If I do, then I risk her actually showing up and doing her best to wreak havoc on our big day.My fiance is very supportive, and is telling me it’s my decision and he will support me in whichever way I decide to go. Does anyone have any insight on how to handle this?
Also, I am a very creative and DIY kind of person. I want to take a stab at arranging the flowers myself. I also love to bake, cook and cake decorate, so I would love to be able to make all the food, desserts and the wedding cake myself. I can make the food ahead of time and freeze it or something, as well as the desserts. The cake will be fine done a day or 2 before the wedding. I’ve never done flowers, can anyone tell me how ahead of time I can do them? An old friend is a florist, and I’m sure she would be willing to help me if need be, as well as my FMIL and sister have volunteered to help with all the cooking and baking so that should be easy. I think this is do-able… Has anyone done this and if so, any tips? Any tips otherwise on timing and such? Am I completely crazy?

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

knittinmama April 12, 2012 at 5:47 am

I don’t think you are crazy but it could be very stressful. There are so many things the bride has to do at the last minute that worrying about food, flowers, etc might turn you into a bridezilla, unless you have friends/family who you trust and can take the helm on the day of your wedding.

It would also depend on how many guests you expect. My sister, who is very organized, managed first daughter’s wedding for 500 guests with a lot of help so that she could enjoy her daughter’s wedding day too.


JL April 12, 2012 at 6:32 am

Firstly the thing with your father sounds so strange – what’s with the ‘when she lets him talk to me’ thing? And her ‘not letting’ him come to the wedding without her? What does she do, tie him to the chair, I don’t think so! I understand if he doesn’t want to cause a big row with his wife, but he is his own person and can pick up the phone to call you whenever he likes. Your main problem with the wedding is your dad, not your mum – if you want him to be there and not her then it is up to him to respect his daughter’s wishes and make the effort to be there for you on your big day. It is going to cause problems no doubt, but if it is this important to you then your father should at least try to understand your feelings. She can’t control everything unless people let her, so tell your dad that it is not about her not letting him, but about him letting her control him!


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